Category: Dating and Relationships
Okay guys. I just wanna ask your oppinion on this situation. One of my x boyfriends wants me back. Just recently he graduated. Two months ago, he called me asking me if I would consider takin' him back. He should've known by that point that I don't want him back. Just recently he called me. Actually, he called me a few times while I was at school. Once a few weeks ago, and the other time was last monday. The first time he called, I had someone tell him that I was busy, witch I really wasn't. The second time, I was really busy and I told him myself that I couldn't talk. I really don't wanna talk to him!! He should know I don't want him back. He put me through a lot of things that I really didn't need to go through. The reason why I don't wanna talk to him again is because if I say I don't want him back, he's gonna ask why when he already knows damn well why. Then I'm gonna have to explain myself to him witch I really don't think there is a need to do. Then When I finally explain myself, he's gonna say something that is gonna make me feel really guilty about my choice. I don't feel like goin' through that anymore. What do you guys think. When do you think he'll get the hint? Fill me in.
Peace
if he is really bugging you try changing your phone number.
Make it clear you no longer wish to speak to him, if that doesn't work then have his number blocked.
Chaing your phone number would be one way to do this. Also blocking is another good way. Also block him from any screen name you ever had and have right now including email address. Also you may want to change your email address. If this doesn't work another option would be reporting him for phone harassment. I do know what you mean about ex's not getting the hint.
Troy
I agree with Jared on this one. Tell him once more clearly you don't wnat to be contacted by him in any way, and if he doesn't get the hint then, block him in all avenues.
He sounds obsessive and possessive I'd seriously think about getting some kind of legal protection such as an order preventing him from approaching you..as for the calls,it sounds simple but just dont answer, every time you do you are giving him hope and encouraging his behaviour.And most importantly don't meet him and give him an opportunity to manipulate your feelings by using guilt it's emotional abuse
hi,
well am sorry but you should just block and delete him on every count. don't bother with explinations, just cut the comunication completely.
from what you are saying, he won't listen, nigociations won't work, he probably won't respect your wishes, so just cut the comunications totally. it's sad whan something like that comes to it but sometimes it's necessary.
I'd have to agree with everybody concerning this matter. I had several of my x's do the same thing to me, and I've had to do nearly everything from blocking and deleting them from my messenger list to just not speaking to them anymore period. Luckily it hasn't gotten to the point where I've had to have any number's changed though.
One of them actually did a lot of the same things you just described though, and also went so far as to invite his buddies into conversations we had on line and try to guilt trip me just to make himself look cool, then make up excuses for his behavior later on, so as a result we don't talk anymore to this day.
I hate to play the gender card, but he's a male and males don't do hints. If you want him to leave you alone, stop hinting and put your foot down and lay it on the line. If he persists, do what others have said and change your phone numbers or other contact info with no referral so he can't track you down.
The problem is Godzilla anyone can be tracked e-mailing through their ISP, or even their mobile signal, and to say guys dont do hints,is trivialising a very serious problem..it's a wonder you haven't judged him eh
I don't know about the whole blocking and calling the police crap. From what you are saying it don't seem to be that he is harassing you! you seem to be running from telling him the truth! If you are nice to him and tell him you are busy, how is he to know you don't want to talk to him? I think instead of talking to all of us about it, you should be tellling him how you feel! Maybe then, he will leave you alone. I'm sure he's not a mind reader! Even if you guys were together for a long while. you can't expect him to know how your feeling without you telling him! Smiles, Shea
Shea, agreed.
Honestly just talk to the guy. You say that it should be obvious to him why you don't want him back but it clearly isn't that obvious if he is still asking you to restart the relationship. Be sure of what you want to say when you call him, get it all out and then, if he starts saying things to you that you don't wish to hear, you always have the option of hanging up the phone on him.
To all those other people who started responding with change your number; call the police; get a restraining order etc. Seriously, get into the real World. Judging from what was written in the first post of this thread this girl has recieved three phone calls over approximately a two month period. That hardly constitutes serious harassment. If you went around reporting people for making a number of phone calls to you that you could count on one hand, over an eight week period. The Police and the law courts would be overwhelmed. That's a rediculous thing to come out with.
Now I'm not saying don't consider those options if at some point down the line, having explained your reasons to this man, he still refuses to accept your decision and leave you alone. But at this stage all that is needed is some common sense.
We all have to do things at various points in our lives that we'd really rather not. It seems to me that this conversation for you is one such instance. Unfortunately though that's just how life goes some times. It's part of being an adult.
So on that note I'll wish you the best of luck.
Thanks. Dan.
Steady, sailors...easy on the blocking and police involvement. Those should be absolutely last-ditch plans, and then only if his harassment becomes more serious than you've portrayed it in this post.
Jared, Shea, and Dan...agreed. From what you've said, there's no reason for him to think you don't want to have contact with him anymore, because you haven't actually said as much. Avoiding the issue by saying you're busy and other such excuses is only prolonging the situation and adding to the annoyance.
Dancing you wouldn't believe how quickly things can esculate.If he's not getting the hint now,what's next,and he doesn't need to be told I might want rethink things and contact you in a fortnight.The idea of a resumption of this relationship is already in his head, and he believes it categorically.
I think the idea that this situation is escalating, to use your own words, is no more likely, or indeed preposterous, than you being able to read, and psychologically analyze, the mind of a complete stranger from three thousand miles away.
You have absolutely no bases what so ever to say that he's suddenly going to turn into a stalker or a serial killer or whatever it is that you seem to be suggesting. Come back down to earth man. All she needs to do is talk to this guy. If that doesn't clear up any confusion then fair enough take further action but for now, anything more than a simple conversation would be nothing less than a ludicrous over reaction.
Dan.
No one suggested she tell him she'd rethink things and contact him later. What she said she's been doing is avoiding him by telling him she's busy, and that's not fixing anything. All that's going to do is make him think she really does want to talk to him, but is just busy. Guys are stupid, what can you do? As for things escalating, I can assure you that I do know what that's like, having been there myself. If the situation escalates, by all means involve the authorities and/or block his number, but until then, those are, as Dan has already stated, ludicrous overreactions.
Guys are not stupid that is a mindless generalisation and typical of the man hating females who have met 1 bastard and decided to tar us all with the same brush. This guy is not stupid he's well aware of what he's doing and the effect it is having on Angel. As for your childish opinion I take it that you haven't come across 1 of these eejits, I have twice, including my partner's ex who bombarded her with calls and visits from england,in an attempt to win her back.Too often this problem is brushed aside as a minor hassle it's time people took it seriously
Get a grip on reality. He's called her a few times over a span of months. He's annoying. Yay. So she tells him directly, with no dropping hints, that she wants nothing to do with him, no contact whatsoever, and if he doesn't stop, then she can do something more drastic. Calling the police and/or having her number changed at this point would just be stupid, unless there's more to the situation than she put in her post.
I have to agree with some of the sentiments that have been expressed here.
First, why are you prolonging the issue? If you have trouble telling him what needs to be said over the telephone, perhaps you could write him a letter, or send him a tape recorded message. This way you can be concise and truthful and will not feel pressured with him on the other end of the line. No matter how you do it, you need to be straight with him.
The other point I would like to raise is this; even if she does call the police, they will take a report and that will probably be the end of it. As I work with many people in law enforcement, I can tell you that not much is done about situations like this unless threats are made. And, even if threats are made, it has to be pretty serious for the police to do much more than take a report. They just don't have the manpower or the time. It's sad because some people call the police when they really need help, can't get the help and end up hurt or dead because of it. Still, that is the way it is.
Yuri Brezhnev
Yuri that is exactly the point I was trying to get across and it's high time the law was changed..sadly it's the same situation in britain, the police cant act until there is evidence of physical harm.
Angel_tears, you're boundaries are very important, and from reading this post, it seems, that he keeps crossing them on a continual basis.
Don't let him, and take a firm stance and stick to what you want. I know exactly what you're going through.
He had his chance, and blew it, and you're not responsible for how he feels, and should realize this fact.
Well they are right, guys don't take to hints very well. The best thing I'd say is tell him straight out why you don't want him, some men seriously sometimes think they did nothing wrong. If you seriously feel like you don't want him, tell him straight up, and be truthful to him as to why. But also, try not to be so tactless.